Some advice for people who may deal with your anxiety with you but who cannot fully understand the condition. Hope it helps.
Its difficult both ways: friends and family don’t know what to say or do to support an infertile couple. Without meaning to, these loved ones cause pain for the infertile couple with trite or simplistic advice. www.StewartInstitute.com www.StewartInstitute.com new book: Do you Love someone who is Infertile?
Its difficult both ways: friends and family don’t know what to say or do to support an infertile couple. Without meaning to, these loved ones cause pain for the infertile couple with trite or simplistic advice. www.StewartInstitute.com www.StewartInstitute.com new book: Do you Love someone who is Infertile?
Ruth Merry, artrogryposis sufferer and author of ‘Enabled’ talks about the importance of family and friends support. www.mxpublishing.co.uk
The Friends Programme is a highly successful, innovative and unique volunteer service designed to work in partnership with professionals to provide volunteer family support to New Communities (Refugees, Asylum Seekers and EU Immigrants) in Coventry.
It can be a very scary thing when you think that you have a sleeping disorder. It can also be very unsettling when you want to go to sleep very badly every night and you can not fall asleep or when you have problems with breathing and other things when you do fall asleep. You might not know how to go about resolving this problem or you may not think that there is nay way to resolve it.
Sleep apnea plagues a large number of people. If you have this disorder it can be very scary not only for you but for your spouse and those around you as well because they do not know what they can do to help you out with what you are going through. Your friends and family likely want to help you out in some way but some may actually keep their distance because they do not understand what you are going through and therefore do not know what they can do to help. In cases such as this, it might be a good idea to let them know how they can help and what you need from them in order to open the lines of communication and bridge the gap that may have begun to form between you and them.
If you are suffering from sleep apnea and have not yet sought treatment, your friends and family may begin to urge you to visit a sleep center or visit a sleep specialist. You first impulse might be to take offense to what they are saying and become defensive, but you should keep in mind that they are only concerned about your health and have your best interests in mind. They are probably urging you to see a specialist because that is the only way that they know how to help and they just want to make sure that you are health and safe. Also, it is probably hurting them to see you suffer and just want to make sure you are happy.
Having sleep apnea can be a very frightening thing but you will probably want to visit a sleep specialist as soon as possible to get diagnosed and hopefully begin treatment to overcome this disorder. It can help to seek the support of friends and family to know that you have others by your side that are willing to do anything to help.
Making friends is a skill, just like playing the piano or riding a bike. Skills can be learned and behaviors can be changed. While it may require more effort for some people to be comfortable in groups, it can be learned, especially if the child is willing to put forth the effort and knows that she has your support.
Be sure to encourage a child’s positive efforts to get along with peers and to find a friend, even when it appears that such attempts are not meeting with success. Remind her of the fine qualities that she has that will add to the friendship when just the right person comes along.
Another reminder is that making just the right friend for her may take some time and not to give up. Help her to see what she has to offer as a friend. For example, you might say: “I really appreciate it when my friends call me and invite me places. It makes me feel welcome and accepted. Even on the times when I am not able to go, I still feel good to know they thought of me. That is why I treat them with kindness and respect, because that is how I want to be treated.”
In my workshops I find it helpful to make a list of what people look for in a friend. You may want to make such a list with your child. After brainstorming it is easy to include such things as:
• Trustworthy
• Kind and compassionate
• Willing to share happy and sad times
• Loyal, will watch my back
• Sense of humor
• Positive attitude, upbeat
• Similar interests
• Fun to be with
• Not be too possessive or needy
• Cooperative
• Enjoys being with me
If you look at the list, almost never does it include psychical attributes, they are all character traits and inner personal skills. If we don’t have those skills, we can work on obtaining them by practicing a little each day until it becomes automatic action. It is this attitude of openness and willingness to share that is communicated to those we would like to be our friends.
The irony is that people, young and old, tend to blame outward appearances for lack of friends, when it is the inward attitudes and character traits that are longed for in friendship. We are not searching for lovely nearly as much as loyalty in a companion and buddy.
When we realize that it is not our big ears, speech impediment or color of skin that stops others from befriending us, as much as it is how we treat others and feel about ourselves, we will have more to offer a friendship. As you encourage making a list of what the child is looking for in a friend, be sure to mention that appearances may be deceiving. She may very well know many in her class who are also looking for just the right person to hang around with.
Hopefully, your child will draw her own conclusions that she is a valuable person and has much to bring to a relationship. And likewise, there may very well be many people who meet the criteria of a friend that she has been overlooking.
It is more empowering for a child to list her own positive qualities that will make her a valuable friend than for you to do it for her. This is her work, but you are the support team. You cannot make your child happy, popular, talented or attractive to other children. If you think you can, you will be setting both of you up for disappointment and a great deal of frustration.
What you can do is offer her suggestions, assistance, opportunities and options. Hopefully, she will recognize the clues of social interaction and ‘click’ with a good group of friends who will support her in her school years and become life long buddies.
How you manage social situations affects the way your children view social interaction. If you have meaningful relationships that add pleasure to your life, they will see that and want to have the same thing.
I also do Confidence Coaching for young adults (8 to 18) Call me for more information.
© 2008 by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator, Author and international speaker on family relations. Ph: 406.549.9813 You may reprint this article, but please keep the contact information and content intact.
For Free articles and to sign up for the e-zine The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life please go to http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will also find a full listing of books, workshops, and Free teleclasses held every Thursday on family relationship issues.
For a free eBook on non verbal and verbal communication go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com
You will be glad you did.